An online gambling review for the grown-ups
Now, you are probably thinking about something else. The phrase “adult casino games” kind of makes you think about things only adults do in seclusion. And in that you are right. No-one under 18 is permitted to play, and, frankly, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. People often get hot and sweaty, there have been a few cardiac arrests, and there was a lot of weird…mating of man and machine. A lot of intense soul-gazing. “When you stare into the abyss, abyss stares into you” kind of thing.
Why we care
So one can kind of see how there is a lot of that adrenaline-filled, primal, guttural tension going on when it comes to casinos and sex alike. This is a resource dedicated to gathering and presenting
hookers online casinos that have a good reputation and can be relied upon in terms of guarantees of payouts and treating people like humans. So in a way there is a kind of intimacy here. Have you seen “Her”? Well, that’s what this resource is. An intelligent, hardworking and mega-powerful cyber-entity that cares. Although things are entirely plutonic.
Pick a cash-ino, not a casino
Now, during the history of online gambling some rules of wisdom have formed: what they usually say is that your budget should at all times be appropriate to your bet. That also works in terms of games. Always choose the right kind of game for you. For beginners usually Blackjack is recommended with its simple rules and regular, substantial winnings. The Roulette, on the other hand, is not really a good idea for beginners because it’s total chaos and random luck and is very likely to dampen your spirits more than once – but then, beginner’s luck may bring you that 35 to 1 payout, which is not bad at all. It’s not a good idea for high rollers either, really (it is recommended that, if you’re going to invest your money, leave as little as possible to chance), but they can probably afford it and are truly just looking for entertainment more than anything else.
And remember what experts say: the only way, really, to make money on a casino is to buy the shares. Now, that rule may have a few exceptions. Heard of online casino big winners? For instance, in 2009 a man won just over six million after just betting 25p. An unknown man is still sought after by a casino in Australia for scamming a casino for 33 000 000 AUD (which is about 30 000 000 American dollars), presumably with an accomplice. They are still looking for him, having never even figured out a part of his plan, but the official line is that the odds of finding him are next to zero. Look at online gambling statistics and learn. There are rules and exceptions, but it’s worth learning the rules and you definitely need to learn them all if you intend on using them in your favor.
As usual, I offer the mundane but true warnings: always budget responsibly, never place all your money on one bet, know when to walk away and always deal only with trusted and tested casinos. These usually have a license and a bunch of good reviews from online gambling companies and users. Now, to get those users who are new to the market into the right frame and stop people from making mistakes they will dearly regret, I have compiled an essential list of answers to the questions that come up the most. I will try to include everything needed to know to keep oneself safe.
How to choose best casino games and casinos?
The rules usually described in online gambling articles aren’t as simple as “The more you put in, the more you get out” or “Get a bonus, get it out and leave”. Usually the procedure is a lot more complicated than that. But these rules work most of the time, and it’s definitely worth taking them into consideration. For example, it’s a really bad idea, I say again, to bet everything in one go. Budgeting your betting, on the other hand, will net much better results. Once you feel the tangible benefits of using a good strategy, move on to these:
Beginners: One of the other reasons Blackjack is recommended for beginners is that it has a lower House Edge, along with games like Video Poker, European Roulette, Craps, and Baccarat. Lower House Edge in theory means you will lose less often and your money will go that much farther. Also, using a sensible strategy (there is a separate chapter on that) will mean that you can further reduce the risk of losing. There are good basic strategies for all games out there definitely worth looking at.
- Also, some games feature good Jackpots and high percentages of payouts: Slots, Roulette (watch out for this one, but still 35 to 1 payouts, so…not bad), Caribbean Stud Poker, Casino Hold’em Poker, Let It Ride Poker, Video Poker, Sic Bo and Keno. Slots are a great idea in terms of winnings, with their huge jackpots that can arrive completely randomly.
- Intermediate: Here are the games that will, with some studying of strategy, actually allow you to walk away with cash, if you are genuinely smart and control yourself: Blackjack, Video Poker, Caribbean Stud Poker, Casino Hold’em, Let It Ride Poker, Pai Gow Poker. These are recommended for both beginners and those moving up in the world of online casinos.
And finally, these games are easy to learn and, if you’re just looking to have fun, this is for you:
- Slots, Blackjack, Roulette, Baccarat, Keno, 3 Card Poker. These are probably non-addictive, by and large harmless and will make sure you get your grip before and if you move on to something risky and aggressive and Casino Royale-like.
Now, finding the right casino for you may be tricky. Land-based casinos can afford to attract attention with fancy architecture and beautifully crafted interior. All online casinos have to offer is high joining bonuses and good reviews. Look our for casinos that have been in the business for a while, have a good name, are known for quick and reliable payouts, and preferably come recommended by a reputable organization or a governing body. There’s nothing wrong with up and coming casinos, but make sure you find someone with a license and good feedback on the Web.
Sometimes it happens that casinos get bad rep, and you can even say sometimes it’s inevitable, plus there is competition trying to take them down, and sometimes people just act out, so make allowance for the fact that for everyone good out there there is probably some dirt on them – that’s just the way it is.
How to choose loose slots
If you’re playing slot machines, this is something to consider to maximize your winnings:
- Time slot machines to see when the times is coming. Remember that guy who won six and a half million after investing 25p? Well, his timing was perfect. Really, all you have to do is to wait for the right moment. Hang around by the machine and see what it does. If the machine sees a lot of investment but it has not paid out much yet it means the time for big payouts is coming. Payout Number Generator is actually random, so at some point the Jackpot will happen. Logically, leave machines that just paid out a lot – alone.
- The more attention a slot machine gets from players, the more likely it is to become loose soon. Stick to popular machines and watch out for announcements that big payouts have been made – that’s how you know where not to go.
- Remember that games with high payout limits pay out more often, so IF you have the cash, stick to these, because chances are better here.
Play in demo mode or for real money!
There is no forcing anyone to do anything. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink, as the Chinese say. And I’m not saying you’ve got a long face. I’m just saying there is always the option of playing for fun, if you are just willing to test the waters, and in no way are you under any obligation to join.
I think the reason why most people get into casinos and the whole online gambling market is because they want to feel the void. Modern life is rarely interesting, all the adventure of chasing or being chased by a sabertooth or diving into waterfalls and tropical rainforest removed by the technogenic civilization. However, this thrill for adventure is a healthy instinct, so I think it’s unfair for conmen out there to take advantage of a man’s drive for adventure (as Russians would say “Riding a sweaty mustang through prairies”). What we have is a compilation of healthy, safe and secure websites that host reputable casinos which will not harm your self-esteem or your wallet. If you really do want to join and play for real money like an adult, make sure you pick the right (and by that I mean safe) place.